Natal mars retrograde

1
Well it was stationary, about to go retrograde, 2 days later, born with mars 2 degrees in gemini, but I lived my whole life with mars retrograde, in taurus.
The thing is, all the articles that I have read about mars retro, and holding anger within, and slow to anger, is not the mars I know.
Plus taurus is just so unlike gemini.
My ambitions and goals have failed to materialize time and time again, and not because I did work hard towards my goals, to me that is mars retro, plus its square pluto.
Even when, in suceeding my career, I became ill, is this the curse of mars retro.?
I don't have problems communicating, if anything, its the opposite, my self esteem as always been good, the warrior instinct, and I will support others, when they are threatened, by pople or situations.

The one glaringly obvious, thing, it wasn't until my 38 year, that I started a long term relationship, prior to that I had had one boyfriend at 19, and misfits in between, I don't mean that in a nasty way, its just we did not fit together.

Does any one else out there have a stationary mars in your natal, and what are your experiences, of mars retrograde, what I have read about mars retro does make sense, it just does not match with my personality.

Does it match with yours, what about covert violence, secret intimidation?

Please mars retro/stationary people out there, please respond

2
I know a guy with mars retrograde in the first house (in cancer to boot); he is the least aggressive person that I know. He's not a pushover either, he's just a very mellow, easygoing guy. So going by this case, it is possible that mars retrograde inhibits aggression for some people.