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Will he marry me?

Judged by Deborah Houlding


Will he marry me?


The querent, a 32-year-old divorced mother of two small children, had started a love affair with a 38 year old man who had recently separated from his wife. He himself had 3 young children and the marriage breakdown had hit him quite hard. He was living in a bed-sit temporarily but often stayed over at the querent's house and her own children had become quite fond of him. She was hoping that the relationship would lead to a full term commitment, and they had spoken about the lover moving in with her on a permanent basis, with a long term view to marrying once his finances had become more settled after the divorce. She wasn't really sure if she could take his comments on marriage seriously, or whether, once he had moved in, he would try to persuade her that they were happy living together without marriage vows. She felt quite strongly that she would want to get married, as the responsibility of having children made her feel that the stability and extra commitment that went with marriage would safeguard theirs, as well as her own, emotional vulnerability.


The querent is primarily signified by Saturn; the lover by the Sun. Although the two significators are applying closely to conjunction, several factors in the chart drew my concern. I particularly noted the position of the Moon - located on the 8th house cusp, it is besieged between the opposition of Saturn and Mars.

Mars figures strongly in chart and the querent agreed that the relationship was somewhat volatile with both being quick to argue and confront each other over minor matters. This is reinforced by excitable Uranus on the ascendant. Uranus often warns of someone who is under a disturbing influence or prone to acting rashly.

My advice to the querent was that she needed to slow the relationship right down to give herself time to get to know her lover a little better. She seemed dissatisfied with this advice, claiming that she knew him well, was fully aware of his faults and the pitfalls of the relationship, but felt he was a suitable match because she wanted a strong partner who would stimulate and challenge her. She said she already knew her own mind, and only really wanted to know whether this matched with what was on his.

When I asked the querent why her partner's first marriage had broken down she said she didn't know, but knew that neither he nor his wife had been involved with anyone else and eventually conceded that it was the wife who was issuing divorce proceedings. She asked if I thought he might return to his wife and I said no. But I also added that I was concerned that the lover might not yet be fully committed to the idea of a permanent relationship and indeed whether this relationship would be an harmonious one. My advice again was to hesitate before rushing into a long term relationship with a contract attached to it. Saturn is peregrine and in its sign of fall; the conjunction of the Sun and Saturn on the 2nd house cusp made me wary that the relationship was one of convenience for the lover, in which he was seeking to take advantage of the querent's better lifestyle.

Two weeks later, the querent called me in a very upset state to talk about what had happened. She'd noticed bits of money missing during the week but had put it down to mislaying it and spending most of the week in a rush. On the morning of her phone call (26 Apr) she had been lying in bed when she noticed the lover in the adjoining study, in the desk where she kept her money and then he slipped out the front door. She was expecting him to leave early and return that evening, but becoming suspicious she quickly checked the drawer and found her money missing. Just over 50. In temper she ran to the door and started shouting at her lover as he was getting in his car. He came back to the house and first denied what he had done, and then became very aggressive with the querent for "embarrassing him in front of the neighbours". During the argument he attacked her physically, punching her and kicking her in front of the children. He fled when she called the police and the relationship consequently ended.

Venus is a secondary significator in most relationship charts. Here it is closely applying to the square of Pluto, further emphasising that there is a heavy undertone to this affair.







© Deborah Houlding

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